21 Aug 2020, 13:30 — 5 min read
One way I like to spend my weekend these days is to watch some movie or serial. Mostly, I watch mystery or investigation kind of movies or programmes. A habit of mine (I am not going to say good or bad because it does not matter) is to analyse the movies afterwards. I reflect back thinking that the main character could have done this or that, and at times I get upset about the way things emerged. My family members who have seen the same movie would have different perspectives, and we end up discussing it. Later on when I am alone, and while reflecting on the movie, the discussion and the conclusions one thing that struck me is that all of us saw the same movie, yet each one of us interpreted things in our own way and had different reactions to it.
If you think about it, this is true in every walk of life. We all get to witness the same events, read the same news, at times talk to the same person and yet have different reactions. Here is another example where two students write an exam. On the day of results, both realise they have failed in one paper. One of them dismisses it off and goes for a movie while the other one feels bad and commits suicide. What makes these reactions different?
The thing that I emphasise is that every event triggers a specific thought in us. This thought gives rise to a feeling which in turn influences our behaviour.
Events ---> Thinking ------->Feeling -----> Behaviour -----> Outcome
The reason we experience these events and interpret them with our own meanings (and the reason why it is different for different people) is that we understand these events based on our thoughts that get triggered as soon as we encounter the event.
Changing your thoughts and your feelings and behaviour can lead to change. As an example, when your manager gives feedback to improve your performance, if your thought is “my manager is out to get me” then you may feel angry at your manager and may choose to reject the feedback or act out your anger. On the other hand, if your thought is “my manager is trying to help me improve my performance”, then you may feel happy about it eager to understand more and see how to improve.
Most often than not, these thoughts are so spontaneous that we may not realise they exist. So then how can you control such thoughts?
A simple way is to start listening to your thoughts. This is only the first step, and it takes time to practice and start identifying the thoughts. Having a journal helps.
Here are three simple things that you can do as part of your journal.
As an example, take the feedback session I mentioned earlier.
The manager gave feedback based on performance
I act out my anger and reject the feedback. I blame the manager for lack of support. I go home and express my frustration at others.
Maintain this journal for a few weeks and see what the kind of pattern emerges is. This will help in unravelling the underlying beliefs that we may have about who we are, who others are and how the world is. Understanding this information helps us to address the limiting beliefs and improving our self-esteem.
Also read: ‘I’ in communication
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Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views, official policy or position of GlobalLinker.
Posted byGopalakrishnan Subramanian
I am on a mission to transform millions of lives to lead a life of happiness and abundance by helping them gain clarity and positivity of their self.
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